Even Though
by librawriter
Summary: Both Jim and Nyota are left clinging to life after a deadly attack against the Enterprise, with nothing but strange dreams to keep hope alive. Another one shot for yall just because it's Friday night.


_AN: Another Jim/Nyota one shot, loosely based on canon. _

**Even Though**

The Enterprise was at maximum warp speed, but the Klingon War Ship was somehow in pursuit.

"They're closing in on us, Captain!" Sulu shouted.

Suddenly, there was a horrible jolt, and before Jim or anyone else knew what was happening, the Enterprise was flipping in spirals as she plummeted through space. Something hard and sharp clipped Jim's shoulder as he lunged for the nearest seat, wrapping the straps around his hand as fast as he could as bodies, equipment, and pieces of machinery hurtled through the air. Another moment of terror as the hub broke apart, immediately sucking his crew to their deaths. He heard her scream, and raised his head to see Nyota sliding past him, towards the open space that had now formed just meters away from him.

_No. Not her. Not like this,_ he thought feverishly.

He didn't have much time, so he swung his body up, praying he'd timed it right and would break her plummet to death by hooking his legs around her. There was so much noise and so many things flying by him that for a second, he thought he'd latched on to someone else, but then her arms were around his neck, her familiar scent—albeit mixed with blood—filling his nostrils.

"Hang on, Nyota! Don't let me go!" he shouted to her over the terrifying, explosive sounds surrounding them. She nodded, burying her face into his neck. All around him, his crew was screaming, people were dying. He didn't see Spock anywhere in sight. He sent up a quick prayer to a god he didn't believe in that his friend wouldn't be among the dead. His arm was hurting; he needed to hold on to the seat strap with two hands, but she might fall if he didn't hold on...

There was a thud, and the wind stopped. One of the heavier rafters had been sucked against the hole, and was now blocking the doorway to death. Jim shouted in relief.

"Hurry! We've got to get out of the main room!" he cried. His heart pounded in his chest as the destruction around him began to sink in, as well as his own pain. Yet, glancing at Nyota, he saw how badly _she_ was hurt. Her legs were limp, awkwardly bent, a deep gash in her right thigh gushing dark red blood. She struggled keeping her head up as her eyes fluttered opened and closed. She didn't look good. Pure panic over took him.

"Dammit, Nyota," he hissed, lifting her arm around his shoulder, "don't you fucking die on me. Don't you fucking die. Come on, baby, I've got you. Please, just stay with me."

Beads of sweat formed across her forehead as she coughed feebly. She couldn't keep her eyes opened. "….can't…too late…Just get out of here, just go before the door gives..." she whispered.

His heart skipped a beat. What did she mean, too late?

"It's not too late. It's not. Now I'm commanding you, as your Captain, to hang in there," he said, scooping her up. A bullet of pain shot through his own legs, but he refused to let it over take him. He cradled Nyota as a sob escaped her lips.

"Jim, leave me here. Just go. The ship needs a captain. It's too late for me, I'm dying. I can feel it."

Tears burned at his eyes, fearing she might be right. "I'm getting us out of here. Now stop talking, you need to save your energy."

Her blood was hot, running down his waist and legs. Oh, God, he had to hurry before it was too late. His pain was increasing, and as he shifted Nyota's body in his arms, he heard a pop before part of his elbow broke through the skin on his arm. He took a slow, painful step forward.

Nyota's eyes fluttered as she shook her head weakly. "Jim, you're hurt. Please, just go. It's too late for me, can't you see that? Where's Spock? I need…I need to see him before…before I-"

"Shut up. It's not too late. You're not gonna die. I won't let you," Jim said. But she was losing a lot of blood, and he was having trouble walking. Still, he would try to get them out of here. His heart clenched with fear, sorrow at the realization that they were probably close to the end. Still, he would try to get them out. He didn't believe in no win situations, so with all he had, he would try to rescue them both. He limped, slowly, towards the door. Close. He was close. Jim had just taken a painful step when the noise returned, the deafening roar of everything being sucked into oblivion.

No!

The rafter had disappeared into the infinite blackness. Jim held her closely against him, and managed to pull the both of them behind one of the console stations. Screaming and flying objects hurtled towards open space, never to be seen again.

"Nyota, there's something you need to know. In case…in case this is it," he said softly.

Her eyes were already closed, her breathing shallow. She was sweating, even though the room was freezing due to the exposure to space and all the elements. "I'm cold," she whispered.

"I love you," he told her, just as the floors beneath where they were crouched gave way. They fell through, crashing against railings and broken pieces of ship. Jim held her, closing his eyes tight, and braced himself for death.

* * *

_**The first **_

_Jim's eyes opened slowly. He wasn't in any pain, but he _was_ in a bed, lying next to someone. He sat up, recognizing the location as being Starfleet, in the dorms. This hall…he knew this hall…it was Gaila and Nyota's room in Sloane, a place he'd been many times back when he'd been messing around with the Orion in exchange for computer programming codes. The figure under the sheets stirred. He yanked back the cover and found himself pleasantly surprised. His face broke into a smile. "Nyota?"_

_She rolled over, her hair a beautiful, curly, tangled mess and looked at him with one eye open. "Jim? Oh, God, _tell_ me we did not sleep together."_

_He laughed, shaking his head, feeling great all over. "I have no idea. I don't even know what I'm doing here! Did we go out last night? I don't remember a thing!"_

_Nyota groaned. "I don't either!" _

_Jim lay slowly back down beside her. He lifted the sheets. "Holy shit. I'm in the buff. What about you?" _

"_Yes," she said with a grimace. _

_Jim couldn't help but chuckle. "How nuts is this…no pun intended…cause, I mean…aren't you with Spock?" _

_Nyota sat up with a start, holding the sheet against her chest. "Yes! Yes, I am! So if this is some…some kind of joke, if you put something in my drink last night—"_

"_Whoa, whoa, are you kidding me? You're accusing me of drugging you? I don't remember what happened either, Nyota! And I would never do that to you. You know how I feel about you."_

_Her eyes narrowed. "How you feel about me? What's that supposed to mean?" _

_He paused. "I thought…I thought I told you what you meant to me. I thought we talked about it before-" _

_He frowned, trying to recall facts, any of them. _

"_No. Well, maybe. I mean, I kind of remember you telling me…you loved me. But weren't we drunk? Or something? Look, I can't do this, not now. You can't be serious. I think we both got pretty messed up, is what I think—"_

_He had told her. She did remember. And then they'd gotten pretty messed up. _

_Pretty messed up..._

_What had they been drinking again? Where had that party been? _

_For some reason, all of his memories were fuzzy. "I did say that. I did tell you that. I remember now. And then we—"_

_Nyota spoke louder. "We got DRUNK and CONFUSED. Maybe we kissed, maybe we had sex, I don't know. But to tell you the truth, I don't want to know. Because I'm with Spock and he will kill me if he finds out about this! Ugh, why does my entire body ache? I just want to start my day and forget this whole thing." _

"_Or you can dump him and be with me. I mean, we are in bed together." _

"_Jim, did you hear a word I just said?" she snapped. Then suddenly, her face crumpled with agony, and she clutched her head. "Oh, God…Jim! I can't…my face, my head! The…the pain!" _

_Suddenly, his head was pierced by pain as well. She began to scream, sending them both back into darkness._

* * *

_**The second **_

_He didn't need to call her name, because he could feel in his heart that she was here, somewhere. He climbed the steps of the tallest tower he'd ever seen, finally running up the last dozen or so until he reached a door at what appeared to be the entrance. Without turning the knob, the door opened and there she was, curled into a ball, her shoulders shaking. _

_She looked up when he came into the room, dabbing under wet eyes. _

"_Jim," she said. "I didn't think anyone would find me here." _

"_Are you trying not to be found?"_

"_I don't know. Maybe."_

"_I'll always find you, if you're lost. You know that. You should by now."_

_She smiled sadly at him as he sat next to her, putting an arm around her shoulder, easily, naturally. She was petite, and with his broad shoulders, she fit very snugly inside of his arm. _

"_That's the problem," she sniffed, leaning in against him. "You don't know when to let go and it's making me want to hold on." _

"_That sounds like a good thing to me." _

_Nyota sighed. "Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. We've both changed. You're not the same person I met in Iowa, and neither am I. But you know what, I'm tired, Jim. I walked here, but then my legs just gave out. I couldn't walk anymore and I was so scared." _

"_Tell me how to make you feel better. I'll do anything." _

_She sat up, looking into his eyes. _"_Get Spock. He's worried about me. I can feel it." _

_His heart crumbled in his chest. "No. I'm here with you. I saved you. I risked my life to get to you." _

"_I know. We're both here, together, and I don't understand what's happening. I'm thinking about Spock, and I miss him, but at the same time, I'm glad you're with me. I've been thinking about you up here. I knew you would come. Somehow, I knew you would. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of fighting this battle."_

"_Stop fighting. Let me be with you. It's what we both want. You must want it, or you wouldn't have just said what you said." _

_She reached for his hand, putting it against her cheek. "It's not that easy, Jim. It's just not." _

* * *

_**The third**_

_They are in his room, aboard the Enterprise. He is making love to her; it's incredible. Her body feels so right, so perfect, pressed underneath him. He's been with so many women he can't even count them all, can't even remember all their names, but with her, naked with her in his bed, is the first time he's ever felt connected. _

_Her eyes flutter open, her hands sliding up his back. _

"_What's wrong? You don't like it?" she whispers, kissing his chin, his mouth. He smiles, pressing his face into her neck, the way he's wanted to do since the first time they met. _

"_Are you crazy?" he says softly. "I love it. I love __you__." _

_She raises her legs around his waist, pulling him tighter against her, inside her. "I don't know who I love," she breathes, closing her eyes as he kisses her now. _

"_Say you love me, Nyota. Say you love me."_

"_You're gonna make me come," she whimpers, and throws her head back as she does. He feels it, her muscles flexing around him, causing him to come, which he does without shame, without guilt. Holding nothing back. _

"_I love you, Jim. I don't want you to die," she says, and then she starts to cry._

* * *

_**The fourth**_

_Mist. _

_Mist everywhere. _

_Jim was walking through it, through the trees, heading nowhere in particular but going forward just the same. He thought. He didn't have a tracker, so he couldn't be sure, but he would continue to put one foot in front of the other. _

_He had a shirt on, a white one and jeans. Jeans? He hadn't worn jeans since the last shore leave eight months ago. _

"_Strange," he muttered, but kept moving. He couldn't remember what he was doing here, or where anyone else was. His crew. Wasn't he supposed to have one of those? If so, where were they? Where was the Enterprise? He was still the Captain, wasn't he? Yet neither his ship nor his crew or any of his friends were anywhere to be found. _

"_If I was hurt, I wouldn't be able to walk," he said aloud. "But I _am_ walking." _

_He kept on, more confused than ever. It was gray and dark here. It gave him the creeps. He felt like something was wrong, very wrong, but he couldn't figure out exactly what. _

"_My name is Jim," he told himself. If he knew that much, he wasn't totally crazy. He knew his name. _

_Up in the distance, he saw a figure, smaller than he. Out of habit, he reached for his phaser, but there was nothing but space where it should have been. _

"_Jim?"_

_The voice was familiar. It was the voice of the one he loved so desperately, so he ran to her, breaking into a smile to see her here. He was so happy he scooped her up, hugging her. "God! I'm so glad to see you!" _

"_I've been trying to find you," she said. She cupped his face in her hands, kissing him, hugging him again. "Jim, I've been worried to death!" _

_He pulled back, holding her hands. "I'm fine. Right?" _

"_I thought it was me, but it's not. McCoy and Spock helped me, they fixed everything. But something happened to you. You were gone, Jim. We've all been trying to find you. For almost a week. I kept looking and looking and calling for you," she said. _

_She was so beautiful. And she had been searching. It made him happy. "I'm so glad you're here." _

"_Me, too. Come with me. We're going back now, we have to go back. Hold my hand. Don't let go." _

_Hold on to me. Don't let go. Such familiar words, but he couldn't place why. _

_He shrugged. _"_I would never let you go," he said. Their fingers laced together and they started walking back towards where Nyota said she had come. With their hands joined, his heart seemed to come alive, even though he couldn't remember what he was doing here, or how he had gotten lost in the first place. __Even though he knew somewhere deep inside he would never be able to have her. Still, it changed nothing inside his heart._

"_Is this real?" he couldn't help but ask her. _

_She stopped, and then hugged him. "I don't know if it is or not. But I found you. I'm so glad I found you. I do love you, I must," she said. She kissed him, but just as he was pulling her closer, he felt a sharp, sudden sting inside his lip. Immediately, he could taste blood in his mouth. _

"_Ouch, you _bit_ me!" he exclaimed in pain, drawing back. He pressed a finger to his lip, which came away red upon hurried inspection. _

"_Get up, Jim. Dammit, get up now!" Nyota said with a fear in her eyes he had never seen before. _

* * *

His eyes blinked. Someone was shining a light in his face.

"Thank God! Oh, thank God, he's back! He's up!"

Jim, though groggy as hell, recognized McCoy's Kentucky drawl. "What's happened? Where am I? Where's Nyota?" he said. His voice was hoarse and his throat felt dry. He coughed, barely swallowing when a nursing attendant stuck a tube into his mouth and squeezed water with a funny taste down his throat.

"Lieutenant Uhura's recovering in the next room. She woke up a couple of hours ago. She's doing good, real good. Both of you have been out for five days. I thought…Jesus Christ, I thought we were gonna lose the both of you. Uhura's legs were in pretty bad, and she'd lost a lot of blood, but we got to her in time to replenish her supply and get some powerful regenerators in her system. You both fell over thirty feet, and you sliced your skull almost straight through. You had brain swelling, man. You've had two operations, Jim. I was scared, but you pulled through. I think you're both gonna be fine," McCoy said, breathing a sigh of relief. "Thank God, man. Thank God."

* * *

McCoy didn't want him too, but Jim insisted he could handle taking a shower, and not a sonic one. He felt as if he'd been freeze dried and had the smell of sick bay all over him. He hated that smell, though McCoy often told him he should get used to it. They weren't letting him return to his quarters just yet, but finally McCoy consented to a shower. Jim stood underneath the scalding water for a long time, wanting to see Nyota. He had lost a lot of his crew, but _she_ was okay, and selfishly, he admitted to himself that she was all that mattered. He wouldn't know what he would do if he ever lost her. He could fight his feelings for her just fine on a daily basis; he'd been guarding his heart since he'd been an adolescent. And at least Spock was a good guy, one who would take care of her. But everything would come crashing down if he lost her, especially under his watch. He'd admit it to no one, not ever, but he would always risk everything to save her, if it came down to it. Jim would die for Nyota Uhura. It was a secret he could take to the grave. It was safer if no one knew.

Finally, and with a relieved sigh, Jim felt he'd rinsed the past week down the drain. He climbed out of the shower, feeling almost good as new, except for an annoying little sore spot in his mouth. On a reflex, Jim ran his tongue ran over the inside of his lip, where the pain was nagging him like an impatient child. Pausing in front of the mirror, he slowly wiped the condensation from the glass, leaning closer as he opened his mouth for a better look.

In the center of his lip was a tiny, red cut. In fact, it looked almost as if someone had-

Jim froze.

He _had_ been bitten.

By Nyota, in his dream. But that's all it had been, was just a dream. It had all been just a long, long dream.

Hadn't it?


End file.
